I was thinking this evening that I really should have written the Grand Lake blog posts earlier. But work has been so busy and stressful the past two weeks that I was too tired or not mentally up to writing. Thankfully, with the help of my parents, Gene, and my own will, I am trying to learn to manage and control my stress. Life is way too short for me to be this nervous and anxious all the time. It’s just not fun. It’s not fun to be in a dark mood when I’m at home, when I should be enjoying my time away from work. My time away from work is my life. I should not be allowing work to dictate how I feel when I’m not there.
My job is not that important that I should be as stressed as I have been. Throughout this week I’ve been trying different methods of relieving and riding myself of stress. Each day is better, but I’m not completely there yet. My problem, is that I have two sides to me. I have my logical, reasonable side that looks at why I’m stressed, analyzes the reasons, and comes up with reasons why I shouldn’t be stressed. Then I have my emotional side, which knows no logic or reason. It wants to squash my logical side, it wants to take over and just run. My problem, is that I let that emotional side rule my life when I was younger and so I’ve had to work at controlling it. I’ve gotten a lot better with my anger issues and sadness, but I still have work to do, clearly.
My logical side knows that stress is pointless. That worrying doesn’t lead to anything. But emotional side disagrees. It’s a battle, and although I know my logical side will win, I just wish it would hurry up a bit.
Writing, right now, is helping though. And the fact that I feel like writing is a good sign. I was going to post this tomorrow but I feel like I might as well post this tonight.
If anyone else is going through a period of stress or anxiety or depression right now, I want them to know there are solutions. There are steps to take to feel better. At the moment, for me, it’s not medication. But it may be medication in the future. And I want people to know that medication is an option. Not everyone needs it, and maybe you should try to overcome your problems without it first. But I know there are people who do need it, and no one should deny them access to something that will make them happy and able to live a good life.
My advice? Deep breathing. Figure out what you are scared of and how you can overcome that fear. Remember that life is too short for stress. If it’s job-related, know that no job is worth that much stress. You can always get a new one. And most likely, there will be people to support you if and when you need it. And Gene’s comment, stress is self-inflicted, so stop inflicting it on yourself (easier said than done perhaps, but still good to think about).
So that’s my ramblings. I’m not sure if it’ll make sense, but I felt the need to let my feelings out this time. Something I will always remember Gene telling me, “writing down your negative feelings and writing about them will actually physically help you feel better.” Seems to be working. ;)